Observing Mother’s Day or Father’s Day as a bereaved parent

For parents who are missing a piece of their heart in the form of a lost child, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day can mean something different – but nothing can diminish your loving memories or role as a mother, father, or guardian.

While the following list was conceived to help parents create simple tributes, we understand that observing these holidays may not be for everyone. Whether you want to celebrate, to treat it as a normal day, or to take time with your emotions, the only right way to observe the holiday is whichever way is best for you. In hope and in sorrow, every expression of your lasting love honors your relationship with your child.

To pay tribute to your child’s memory, you can start with one of these meaningful activities.

1. Tell them you love them
   Write a letter thanking your child for bringing light into your life, and share updates on your day-to-day. Jot down the moments where you made each other laugh, where you were happy to help them, times they made you proud, or just enjoyed being in their presence.
   
   If you’d like, consider adding a scrapbook element to your letter – include small pictures, stickers, snippets from a magazine, or whatever your child would like.
   
   
2. Create a tangible tribute
   Memory book – There are several online services that can transform your loved one’s story into a beautiful book – you’d just have to answer questions and upload photos. This can help you remember the best moments, the everyday moments, and priceless experiences with your child. Once you receive the book, reading it on occasion and sharing it with visitors can help keep your loved one’s memory alive.
   
   Quilt – There are also quilting companies and artisans that can take clothing and create beautiful quilts with the fabric. Consider commissioning a quilt made of your loved one’s clothes, or if you’re crafty, try quilting yourself. This can be a meditative, comforting time that you carve out every day to reflect on your child. The finished product will be a keepsake that you and your loved ones will treasure forever.

At-home altar – Across the world and different cultures, people create altars for their departed loved ones as part of tradition; they’ll decorate it with candles, religious totems, incense, flowers, or their loved one’s favorite treats. Consider creating an altar of your own with a central photo of your loved one, along with their favorite mementos, a candle themed after a location or time that was special to them, and whatever strikes your imagination.

• Pay your child a visit

Many families visit cemeteries on holidays, so know that you may be joined by other bereaved families if you visit on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

Along with flowers, if you have any cards or gifts that your child gave you for the holiday, you can bring them with you and reflect on them as you spend time with your dear one.

• Supporting a bereaved parent
  If you’re observing the holiday with your partner, or supporting a bereaved parent, checking in with them is a thoughtful way to acknowledge them.
  
  You can send a card or flowers/care package to let them know you’re thinking of them, or consider taking them out for a bite to eat if they would like. Sometimes, just asking how they’re feeling is an important way to make them feel seen. Being part of your loved one’s support system is an invaluable gift in their time of grief.

As you navigate the day, take time to yourself, and hopefully you can take comfort in any moments of peace and reflection you may find.

Photo: Woman’s hand touching the black stone grave at cemetery with orange sunlight flare. Reminisce, miss, sad and lose person in family or important people Stock photos by Vecteezy

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