Writing a condolence letter: tips and examples

When writing a condolence letter, putting your feelings into words can seem like an impossible task – you may worry about upsetting the bereaved with a poorly written or insensitive message, or worry that you’ll write too much or too little.

Before beginning, try to take confidence in the fact that you want to deliver a thoughtful letter to your loved one, and that’s why you’re researching this topic.

By using your own words and trying this 5-step process, you can write a short condolence letter that brings comfort and reminds the reader of your support.

Step 1: When writing a letter to the bereaved, you can start with condolences or pen religious verses if you share faith with the departed.

Examples:

Dear Matthias,
I’m so sorry to hear of Quinn’s passing.

Dear Matthias,
I cannot express how sorry I am for the loss of your treasured mother-in-law.

Dear Linda,
Please accept my condolences in this difficult time.

Step 2: Mention who the departed was to you. If you did not know them, refer to the family instead.

Examples:

Quinn was a great role model to me; I’ll never forget her leadership.

I know your sister’s passing has deeply affected your family.

Step 3: If you want to offer help with chores, errands, or emotional support, be specific about what you are offering. This is also a good time to include a mention of a donation if you’ve made a contribution in honor of the departed.

Examples:
If you need anything at all, please know I am prepared to pick up groceries/household items and provide warm meals. Give me a call or send a text whenever it is convenient for you.

If you need someone to talk to, I am available every weekday after 5 p.m. and on the weekends at any time. I can come to you, we can talk over the phone, or we can grab lunch, my treat. Please don’t hesitate to call – my schedule is open for you.

Step 4: To complete your letter, remind the bereaved of your care for them.

Examples:

Know I am praying for you and your family.

Know that I love you and I’m here for you.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Please know I am here for you and your family.

Step 5: Read your letter to ensure your message is cohesive and has no spelling/grammatical errors. If possible, get an outside opinion by having another person read your letter. If you want to triple-check it with a fresh perspective, review your letter the day after writing it.

What to avoid

As you write your letter, consider the tone and language you are using to avoid the possibility of offending the bereaved.

Don’t use vague language – It’s important to address the topic at hand. The reality is that the recipient has lost their loved one, so avoiding that fact can imply that you want to avoid the reason for their grief or that their loved one’s memory has been shrouded in taboo. 

Examples:

• I’m sorry about what happened.
• I’m sorry about your dog.
• I was told there’s been a death in your family.

Avoid offering platitudes – While common sayings may seem encouraging, in a moment of grief, the following quotes can be regarded as insensitive or dismissive. Try not to use phrases such as:

• Everything happens for a reason.
• They had a full life./They had a good life.
• Move on, it’s what they would have wanted.
• Let go.
• Life goes on.
• It’ll be okay.
• It was their time.
• I know how you feel.

Concerning the final example, “I know how you feel” – be careful when comparing the bereaved’s loss to your experience. In difficult times, it is important to empathize with someone’s situation while not assuming that their experience is the same as yours.

Avoid writing illegibly – If you’re writing by hand, ensure your handwriting is clear, and save any colorful, flowery penmanship for another occasion. If your handwriting is normally difficult to read, it may help to start with a pencil and write slowly or use an online letter delivery service that will print your message in the card.

Here are a few examples of complete condolence letters:

Dear Linda,

I have no words to express how sorry I am for your loss. Quinn was a great role model to every intern she met. Her patience and compassion truly inspired me as I began my teaching career – I will never forget her leadership.

To honor Quinn’s memory, our team has made a donation to the Dearest Children Foundation in support of childhood education. I know this organization was dear to Quinn.

Please know our thoughts are with you.

In sympathy,

Pearl B.

Dear Linda,

I’m disheartened to hear the news of Quinn’s passing. You and your sister always filled our salon with joy every time you visited. I know her loss will be deeply felt.

In honor of Quinn, I would like to offer any assistance that would be helpful to you. Enclosed is a meal delivery gift card, and if you are open to receiving company, I am available to talk or get together at any time. Please don’t hesitate to call or text.

Wishing you comfort,

Beverly T.

Dear Matthias,

One of my favorite scriptures that I shared with Quinn is, “This is the will of my Father, says the Lord, that all who believe in the Son will have eternal life, and I will raise them to life on the last day. John 6:40”

Until that time, please accept my condolences for your loss. Quinn was a one-of-a-kind person with a beautiful heart, and she will be dearly missed by all who loved her.

If your family would like any help, I have prepared a care kit, and I am available to assist with errands or household chores. You don’t have to ask – I love you, and I’m here for you.

Sincerely,

Yusuf A.

Dear Matthias,

I want to express my sympathies for the loss of your mother-in-law. Although I never had the privilege of meeting Quinn, from the way you spoke of her, I know she was a beacon of love and light in your family.

I am wishing you, your wife, and your children comfort and peace in this difficult time.

Sincerely,

Logan S.

Dear Jackson,

I’m so sorry to hear that Parker has crossed the rainbow bridge. She was such a good girl, and everyone who crossed her path was lucky to meet her. I will miss her sweet cuddles and kisses.

I hope you know my thoughts are with you in your time of loss.

With love,

Stacie B.

Photo: Creating heartfelt messages with red pen in cozy setting during festive season Stock photos by Vecteezy